patience and fortitude
patience and fortitude
i took these pictures a while ago, when i was going to the main branch of the New York Public Library for my Map Institute class. love these lions, Patience and Fortitude.
been thinking a lot about big picture things lately, which makes sense since i am going through such a significant amount of change right now. thinking about these lions and what they represent, patience and fortitude, as guiding principles for myself right now.
the one thing that i stubbornly feel supreme annoyance by is pity.
even if it is something others are expressing out of love, pity is worse than telling someone upset to calm down (don’t even get me started on THAT one!).
i wish i could find it, but it’s in storage in my clipping files — i have a clipping from an old Time Out New York article i found of a review of Camryn Manheim’s one-woman show (of the same name as this book) that features Camryn in a similar pose / photo. the name of the show was so great, “Wake Up, I’m Fat!” brilliant even. really spoke to me, even then, when i was less heavy than i am right now.
weight (metaphorical, literal) is a complicated issue. for me, for others. and if someone wants to pity me for my weight, well, i don’t give my permission. i own my own life, my own body, my own choices.
quite frankly, i don’t need anyone to tell me i am fat, am carrying a lot of weight. it’s like, really, no crap!?!? well, i did not know that! thanks so much.
this is my business. my life. my burden (metaphorical, literal).
in the high school popularity celebrity-obsessed culture we live in — and i am just as much of a participant as everyone else — we are totally screwed up when we talk about and deal with fat people.
the other day on The View, Joy Behar was saying she took an informal poll (of one) and asked a guy if he would rather be with someone with pustules on their face — or someone fat. the guys said pustules all the way.
i am not surprised by any of this anymore. i don’t have expectations of people to rise above their issues around fat people. but these are exactly that: their issues.
me, i have my own issues, issues that are mine and mine alone. they are private (if i choose to keep them private while not blogging – oy). and i did not ask for the feedback, or pity.
i have been thinking about this — triggered by a visit and phone call by some extended family members. i love my family no matter what — or maybe i should say, despite everything. and they don’t read my blog (very few people do really). but this is my process blog, so i wanted to put this out there….
and say thanks but no thanks for the pity.