patience and fortitude

patience and fortitude

Patience, who faces Southat the main branch of the New York Public Library

Patience, who is the southern lion
at the main branch of the New York Public Library (taken during a snowstorm in 2011)

and

Fortutide, who faces Northat the main branch of the New York Public Library

Fortutide, who is the northern lion
at the main branch of the New York Public Library (taken during a snowstorm in 2011)

i took these pictures a while ago, when i was going to the main branch of the New York Public Library for my Map Institute class. love these lions, Patience and Fortitude.

been thinking a lot about big picture things lately, which makes sense since i am going through such a significant amount of change right now. thinking about these lions and what they represent, patience and fortitude, as guiding principles for myself right now.

pity

 Alexander Covers the Body of Darius with His Cloak, engraving by Bernhard Rode 1769-70. "Darius on a wagon, in golden shackles and killed by an arrow. His tiara has fallen from his head. Alexander spills tears over him and covers him with his purple cloak. The Greek soldier who succored him with a drink of water shortly before his death and led Alexander to him, sees with a look of pity that he has already died." (Catalog of the Exhibition of the Berlin Academy, 1794, 3, in Die Kataloge der Berliner Akademie-Ausstellungen 1786-1850, ed. by H. Börsch-Supan, vol. 1 [Berlin 1971].) Literary source: Quintus Rufus Curtius, The Life of Alexander the Great, Book 5, 13.

Alexander Covers the Body of Darius with His Cloak, engraving by Bernhard Rode 1769-70.
“Darius on a wagon, in golden shackles and killed by an arrow. His tiara has fallen from his head.
Alexander spills tears over him and covers him with his purple cloak.
The Greek soldier who succored him with a drink of water shortly before his death and led Alexander to him,
sees with a look of pity that he has already died.”

(Catalog of the Exhibition of the Berlin Academy, 1794, 3, in Die Kataloge der Berliner Akademie-Ausstellungen 1786-1850,
ed. by H. Börsch-Supan, vol. 1 [Berlin 1971].)
Literary source: Quintus Rufus Curtius, The Life of Alexander the Great, Book 5, 13.
[my bold / text highlight added]

the one thing that i stubbornly feel supreme annoyance by is pity.

even if it is something others are expressing out of love, pity is worse than telling someone upset to calm down (don’t even get me started on THAT one!).

Camryn Manheimyeah, she said it!!!

Camryn Manheim
yeah, she said it!!!

i wish i could find it, but it’s in storage in my clipping files — i have a clipping from an old Time Out New York article i found of a review of Camryn Manheim’s one-woman show (of the same name as this book) that features Camryn in a similar pose / photo. the name of the show was so great, “Wake Up, I’m Fat!” brilliant even. really spoke to me, even then, when i was less heavy than i am right now.

weight (metaphorical, literal) is a complicated issue. for me, for others. and if someone wants to pity me for my weight, well, i don’t give my permission. i own my own life, my own body, my own choices.

quite frankly, i don’t need anyone to tell me i am fat, am carrying a lot of weight. it’s like, really, no crap!?!? well, i did not know that! thanks so much.

this is my business. my life. my burden (metaphorical, literal).

Marilyn Monroe, by Richard Avedonso pretty. so screwed up....

Marilyn Monroe
Copyright 1957 The Richard Avedon Foundation
so pretty. so screwed up…. but at least she wasn’t fat!

in the high school popularity celebrity-obsessed culture we live in — and i am just as much of a participant as everyone else — we are totally screwed up when we talk about and deal with fat people.

the other day on The View, Joy Behar was saying she took an informal poll (of one) and asked a guy if he would rather be with someone with pustules on their face — or someone fat. the guys said pustules all the way.

i am not surprised by any of this anymore. i don’t have expectations of people to rise above their issues around fat people. but these are exactly that: their issues.

me, i have my own issues, issues that are mine and mine alone. they are private (if i choose to keep them private while not blogging – oy). and i did not ask for the feedback, or pity.

i have been thinking about this — triggered by a visit and phone call by some extended family members. i love my family no matter what — or maybe i should say, despite everything. and they don’t read my blog (very few people do really). but this is my process blog, so i wanted to put this out there….

and say thanks but no thanks for the pity.

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About Erika Herzog

big music fan. used to work in the movie business a little bit. love weaving and knitting. own a banjo. haven't picked up the corn cob pipe. yet.

Posted on February 2, 2013, in blogging, future. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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